exit oblivion.

i have come to grips with life as of late. that is, i have accepted the fact that i know very little and will most likely never understand the true complexity of the mess that is life. to some extent i have always assumed the role of a responsible person, a person another person could turn to in a time of need or out of the want for honest advice. i act on feelings. i feel if i cannot take the advice i dish out, how can i justify my own existence? i feel an unparalleled inherent potential. i feel the capability for something great and it is eating me alive. be it new, uncomfortable, awkward and forbidden it remains. i feel sorry. i apologize for the turbulence i have caused in the routine transition from day to night which people hold so secure. i am a firm believer that one minor alteration in the past creates a completely different present. everyone has got a path and it is up to everyone to stake that path out. i do not ask for much in life. merely a smile, time and a place.

sincerely,
matthew.

p.s. 08. change.

depending on my ever-fluctuating state of am, i have been listening to :
tegan and sara - the con.
against me! - as the eternal cowboy.
the national - boxer.

still feeling.

workin' too hard will give you a heart attack.

friday night fun.

saturday night light.

staintrain 21st coming soon. scary.

in random thoughts i retire.

in florida heat i perspire.

it seems this is all a facade upon a facade mixed with more and more of the same. got a few things i hold dear to heart and heart is all i got. the walls are fake.

even the most primitive society holds an innate respect for the insane.

i suppose i could care less.

i'll be around.

<3

money and class.

it seems i have forgotten all about this.

i am desperate for a good one.

it's a business man.

adam's idle hands/steady draw.

tallahassee trip over the weekend. upheld reputation of taking no pictures at all. trip was fun though.

adam bought a bb gun. i came home to more broken glass than a boy can dream of.

23 years ago today i was born.

i want that perfect wardrobe.

it was love at first sight.

anything worth doing is worth doing right. details unnecessary. that is all i got.

holy bells lifer.

gypsy melodies.

there are two types of people in this world. those who love neil diamond and those who don't.






"but better die than live mechanically a life that is a repetition of repetitions. "
d.h. lawrence

with all the horror that is going on in the world, what difference does it make.

slobs of the kitchen sea.

weekend again.

the quest for excitement is inevitable. i moan and drone for eight hours a day five days a week, rarely making out of idle let alone first gear. ah, the life cycles of the growing old and bored. i can only pray for the type of abandonment of morals and virtues capable of making my mother proud.

*note to self - take more photographs.

time to drink some money down the drain.

i miss some people people sometimes.

truck is fixed eleven hundred dollars later.

a sick feeling soul.

"always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. that will teach you to keep your mouth shut. "
EH

"matt you still look like hell."
TP

joyce was gibberish.

strokes of bad luck. truck is trash. broke down. something essential concerning something essential has essentially shit the bed. had to get a real redneck whitetrash tow complete with some rope and no power steering or breaks to a mechanic. i felt like jethru minus tull...
more bad car trouble, more money. $$$.

i played hockey for the first time in close to 365 days. worst mistake i have ever made. would have rather taken 99 shots of whiskey chased with sand and shot myself in the face with a gun. needless to say i am out of shape or old just an old man.

i want to join a cult. i am rambling. judge me.

listening to these gems lately:
band of horses
the snake the cross the crown
beirut
bayside
and that fucking song on stevie's myspace

friday. alright. alright.

the new beats.

i cut my finger and the bleeding will not cease. anemic? neurotic? wah.

ships at a distance hold every man's wish on board.

this was thirsty thurday - 06/07/2007.

in the family.

radar o'reilly.

a talking gecko.

greasy hair.

haha.

birds.

sdrawkcab llaw eht hctaw.

here down on dark earth.

put together like the pieces of a puzzle. taken apart. kicked. ripped. dropped. and scattered on the floor. put together again only to come to the stark realization that the pieces never have nor ever will fit. point A to point B has become a stagnant path of much of the same mixed with the lack of plenty.

i say, "the light at the end of the tunnel does exist. naysayers beware and begone."

the weekend lifestyle is not all it was once cracked up to be. the proud and the brave are still hanging in there tough as nails. the weather of time erodes even the stoutest of structures.

looking to get things rolling on multiple fronts. like a voice that will be heard. market and mass produce.

thursday holds the hope of a one dollar draft. and the weekend rolls.

i know the pull all too well. i would like to know you.

has anybody seen gary meadows?

dark and blue.

every sin was deadly.

i entered last night with the intention of extensive photo-documentation. i even brought my camera along for the ride. however, i left it in the car all night out of the fear it would melt in the rain. so, unfortunately this is all i got. i feel i got a bit of the excitement i was desperate for. friday was fun.

free pizza and beer in deland.
the reverend.
downtown.

you must be crazy.

eluding the sentries.

stir fry & stella.

lets go away for awhile.

the dust.

cactus grow.

the dream.

no cable.

real routine. i can feel it. friday is upon us.

more NYC.

some more pictures from the new york city trip. because that shit never gets old. on a dreary friday we took the subway to the museum of natural history. above are some of the things we saw. we also scoped out a tiny section of central park. the weather was chilly and damp. not good park weather at all.

feeling sunday.

home yet?

caroline no.

lay my bones.

cleaned house. it was mostly a matter of displace/replace in an effort to kill the clutter. the filth was massive. the grass is overgrown in spots but dead in most. in all the place looks livable.

the cat visited the vet today. courtesy of adam. he dropped 120 bucks on that little black boy. the saint of all things living.

my love for pet sounds is deep. like the ocean.

heights and depths.

summer is here. last semester was a bust of sorts. lack of application + negative amounts of motivation x massive procrastination = shit. i can feel the perks of the sunshine state in full force. air hotter than the holy bells of hell and twice as thick. fire, bugs, and nasty weather to follow i am sure. got no concrete plans for the season except work and chill. i will think about school when i feel like thinking about school.

absent.

some NYC.